We left Jinshanling at the luxuriously late hour of nine o’clock, not that I ever imagined I’d count 7:30 as a lie-in! Breakfast was simple, but pleasant, and we set off in the misty morning light, back to the section of the wall we left last night. It was a little cooler to start out – I even got to use one of my fleeces. This lasted for all of five minutes, however. By the time we had hurried up to the wall entrance (I lagged some way behind, taking photos), all outer layers had been long since cast aside.
Michael said it would be 24°C today, but Dang Shu said that it was 28°C – ‘not too hot.’ I beg to differ. I quizzed her about her family. Her husband is a builder in Beijing. She walks five days a week, selling things that her extended family makes throughout spring, summer and autumn. In winter her husband comes home, and they have the season off together.
Today’s walk was hard. My legs are starting to ache a little, but it wasn’t so much my body that let me down. I cried today. One of the sections was uphill, and so steep that I froze. It was a mistake, since once I had stopped I could not bring myself to move again. Teri was just in front, so I called to her, and promptly burst into tears because I was so frightened. I don’t think I’ve ever been so afraid. I don’t think I ever will be again. I was so scared that I can’t even remember where I was. There was nothing but a maw of rolling concrete behind me, before me, a death yawning. I have never felt so mortal, and now that it’s over I feel I can’t even write about it.
It is quite ridiculous when you think about it, but something just snapped. Without Teri’s help I think I would have been there until nightfall, making a tearful crawl down (or up!) to the coach. When I got to the top I was swarmed by people, all concerned, and this was so awful that it set me off again, and again, and again. I couldn’t get a hold of myself until the end of that leg, by which point I had been hugged and petted to a state of burning shame. But I did it.
On our way to tonight's hotel we drove through Huairou district, another area of Beijing, and the place seems fairly decent tonight, despite a minor incident with wrongly programmed room keys. I also opened my suitcase to find a friend I had bought from Jinshanling – a rather disgruntled spider. Ethics aside, I squashed him.
The worst is really over now, and it is a good time to reflect on why I did this, and what it means. I expected challenges when I came here. God knows when we first landed and I realised how far away home is I did feel the grip of trepidation in my stomach. I didn't expect to cry though, or if I did, I never admitted it to myself. I thought it would be a weakness to succumb to fear like that, but having overcome it and survived today I know that I was wrong. I came here to be challenged, even to suffer. However amazing the experience continues to be, today was a stern reminder that this is a pilgrimage on someone else’s behalf. I hope Tommy will be proud of me. I know I am. Whatever happens from here, I survived, and that is an achievement to carry for a lifetime.
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